Yesterday evening, I was walking up Hazrat Ganj, the main thoroughfare of Lucknow, the city where I’ve been living for the last fifteen years. I was approached by a young man, who was carrying a sleeping chlld on his shoulder. One hand supported the child. The other hand held out a hospital visit book towards me. I recognized it immediately. I’ve been issued these books too, when I was a regular visitor to my local hospital, during all my four pregnancies. On each visit, the doctor notes details of the state of the patient and writes the prescription for whatever medicines are required. The man’s tearful face indicated the child, obviously the owner of the book. He was muttering in Hindi, and I understood him to be saying something like ‘need money for his medicines. I am in great trouble!’
What did I do? I did the only possible thing that a woman walking alone in a big city after dark could do. I never missed a beat. I walked straight on without acknowledging that I’d seen anyone. I didn’t break my stride. There are certain rules that you have to obey if you want to move freely in a bit city, and these rules apply no matter what country that city is in, be it in Europe, Asia, Australia or the Americas. You keep walking, don’t stop to speak to anyone, stay in well lit areas and always walk in the centre of the footpath. Not by the sides, lest you be pulled inside a doorway, or slip and fall into the gutter. Never open your purse on the street. Have your bus or taxi fare ready in a handy pocket. Self preservation is rule number one. Am I selfish?
One month ago, my neighbour Mrs. Asha Singh called me out of my house. She introduced me to a distraught young man who had just knocked on her door. Child in arms, hospital book in hand. Needed money for medicine. Asha was wondering could I look in his book and see if any of the medicines were available with me. I usually have a stock of children’s medicines with me, mother of four that I am. I took out my mobile and dialed my brother-in-law Sanjeiv’s number. Sanjeiv is a social worker, and a senior officer with a respected non-governmental organization (NGO) in our city. I duly explained the situation to him and asked his advice. He asked the name of the concerned hospital which I told him. It was, in fact, the local Roman Catholic Missionary Hospital. Sanjeiv directed me to advise the young man to contact the administrator of the hospital and explain his financial need. That hospital had, Sanjeiv explained, a scheme to help people who were in financial need, and that some discounts would be given for medicines and treatment. I conveyed this to Mrs. Asha Singh, who duly informed the man. He didn’t seem too relieved to learn this great news. He scowled and walked away in disgust. Asha Singh was aghast. “He was a fraud!” she said. She could not believe that she had nearly been deceived by him.
Now, Asha Singh is no fool. As a matter of fact, she’s one of the most sensible people I have ever met. But she had not met anyone trying to beg from this angle before. However, I had! As a foreigner here, I often get approached by salesmen and beggars who think I must be very well off.. About five years ago, when I was walking near my home with my mother who was on a visit here, I was approached by a man with similar equipment (hospital book and young child) and a similar story. I remember I gave him about fifty rupees (about one Euro! Or one Dollar!) which was all I had in my pocket at the time. When the same man approached me at the same spot about a year later, I wisened up. Since then, I’ve seen these ‘hospital book beggars’ around, even moving from house to house, as I’ve walked through different areas.
My mother-in-law (MIL)has no time at all for beggars and would run them from the door if she could. Now it is a different story entirely if some poor person she knows approaches her for some help, like an old servant or somebody like that. Well, something very surprising happened one day. There is a small couch outside our front door where the old people in my house sit or even lie in the sun during the winter days. One day, I came out of my room and went to the front door, and was surprised to see an old sari-clad lady lying on the couch whom I had never seen before. She was very old and wizened, and seemed to be not less than ninety years old. Well, eighty. Next thing I saw my MIL coming along, carrying some of her old saris. She stood by the old lady and asked, most respectfully, if these saris would be good enough. The old lady opened her eyes, sat up and inspected the saris with the air of a queen accepting a tribute. Then she pronounced that yes, they were all right. She then asked my MIL if she had any men’s shirts and trousers. My MIL (again very respectfully) said that she would see what she could do and ran off to do the needful.
I’d lived in this house for ten years, but never before had I seen anything like this before. This woman was a beggar all right, but obviously a different class of beggar than the usual. But I couldn’t figure out exactly what could be the reason. The old lady fixed her gaze on me. Seeing that I was wearing my usual shalwar suit, she asked me in a very sweet and kind voice if I had an old shalwar suit to give her. I didn’t like this woman at all, and felt very uncomfortable with her sitting there. I just said ‘nahii’ (no) and that was the last we spoke to each other. My MIL came back with an old shirt and trousers which had formerly belonged to my father-in-law (FIL). The old lady inspected them and pronounced them acceptable. Then she asked for old shoes and chappals and my MIL provided whatever was available. Whenever she asked for something and my MIL seemed to hesitate, the old lady would seem to go into a trance and cry out ‘ay, Bhagwan! Ay Bhagwan’ and immediately my MIL would provide whatever she asked. The crunch came when she asked for a shirt and trousers for two teenage boys. My MIL informed that yes, there were two boys in the house, but that their mother had gone to her office and she, MIL, needed permission to give their clothes away. This led to a few more rounds of crying ‘ay Bhagwan, ay Bhagwan’ but eventually, the old dear gave up, demanded a bag to carry away the stuff she had acquired in our house, and satisfied herself with that.
But how would she go? She was like a mere wisp, and there was by now quite a sizeable bag to carry full of shoes, trousers and saris. Well I needn’t have worried, because standing by the gate were two big, burly men, ready to take her and her bag away. Her sons, she told my MIL. I couldn’t believe it. Two men who looked, by all accounts, perfectly able to do a day’s work sending their old mother out to beg for their clothes. Was there no end to this magical mystery tour, I asked myself. Every day here in India, there is something new and fascinating to learn. Well, the mystery of who the old lady was was soon solved, by my sister-in-law Tapasya. She told me that the old lady was the mother of a family who ran a small temple in a nearby area. These people are members of the Brahmin caste, and temple management and performing religious ceremonies is their hereditary profession. They live on fees charged for the religious ceremonies they perform, and they are entitled to accept donations also. If the donations don’t come voluntarily, these people are perfectly capable of soliciting them from conscientious Hindus who wish to obtain their blessing. I have met many members of the Brahmin community, but they are people who go to work and have businesses just like everyone else. This was the first time I saw Brahmins who actually ran a temple.
Religious beggars are not restricted to one community only. There is a group of colourful beggars who come around every year with a big colourful sheet (chaddar), saying that this chaddar will be brought to a Dargah (Muslim shrine) in Rajasthan. They demand that people put money in the chaddar to be presented at the Dargah. They promise that one can get many blessings from giving this donation. One day about seven years ago, I was trying to leave my house to go for a bit of quiet shopping. Neil and Mel were at school, and my then baby Trish was asleep near her grandmother. But I could not get out of the gate of my house because these people were demanding that I pay a donation. One of them promised me that I would give birth to a son the following year. Giving birth to a son has traditionally been the ultimate aim of women in this part of the world. I laughed and told them to forget it. My family was complete. One son, two daughters! I was in my late thirties. Not planning any more kids, thank you.
The irony! I gave birth to a son the following year, planned or not! And no, I didn’t give the donation!
As I said, beggars are not restricted to one community only. There are Christian beggars too. I’ve met several, but I’ll relate the most interesting story here. One day, when I was coming home from the market, I was approached by a gentleman who told me that he had been a Hindu but had found Jesus and now called himself a Christian. So I wished him all the best and told him that as long he felt peace in his new found faith, that was great. Another day, he approached me and asked me to join a church which he had set up with his wife. It was in his house, I told him that it was only with great difficulty that I could attend my own church, and I had no time to visit any other. But he kept on insisting that whenever I got time, etc. The upshot was, we ended up swopping mobile numbers.
A few days later, he called me up and told me that he’d started selling disinfectants and cleaning fluids to make a living, and asked if I could purchase a bottle. It didn’t sound unreasonable so I said, well, okay, bring one around. He called to my house with the disinfectant and his wife. He introduced his wife to me, so for the sake of courtesy and politeness I invited them in for a cup of tea. As I served the tea, they asked would I object if they said a prayer. Well, I’d never have a problem with anything like that. Then the pair of them launched into an intercessory prayer asking God to bless me and my family. After we drank the tea, they showed me some scriptures showing me how God can help me. The thing is, I already knew those scriptures pretty well anyway. When they saw that I was well informed about my faith, they kept quiet. So they drank their tea and left, and asked me again to come to their church. I thanked them and said I’d try to go, but of course, I wouldn’t go to the house of someone I don’t know.
A few days later, I received an SMS stating that they had no money to pay their rent, that they needed five thousand rupees. They wanted me to provide the amount. Naturally, I refused. I don’t have that type of money to spare but even if I did…….then for several weeks I continued to receive calls and texts from them demanding any amount at all that I could spare. I asked an Anglo-Indian friend, Jackie, who is a member of a Pentecostal fellowship, to call them up and check them out. Jackie knows most of the non-mainstream church people in our city. She called them up and she reverted to me and told me that she’d never heard of their group. “Just keep away from them!” she advised. “I’m already doing that!” I replied. After Jackie called them up, they never came back to me. I’ve bumped into them here and there, but I just smile, say hello, and carry on.
Beggars are everywhere. Mrs. Ayak, the lovely English lady who blogs from Turkey, tells us that they are plentiful there too. And I believe that there is no shortage of beggars in rich countries either. Everywhere in the world, there are people who will try to make their living by wheedling money out of others instead of doing some work. Begging is probably understandable if not excusable, to some extent, in developing countries where there is a poverty problem not yet successfully tackled. One would wonder what could be the reason for it in more affluent countries! But there seems to be a very thin line between begging and fraud, that is the frightening part. We would all, I am sure, like to help solve the problem of poverty in any way which we can. The best way to do so is probably to give as much assistance as we can to any poor people who are in our lives, whom we know to be genuine. And if we wish to donate, find a good cause or organization, either government or non-government, and support it regularly.
My friend Braja Sorenson, a yogini who lives in Mayapur and writes a wonderful blog called Lost and Found in India has written a slightly different and fascinating take on exactly the same subject. You can read it here.
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Posted by
gaelikaa
59 comments:
What an interesting look into your life and the customs there. I love the rich detail.
I've been taken in before by a beggar/fraudster and I live in a rich country.
I think it's wise to by cynical if someone you don't know well asks for money. Your frind Jackie gave very good advice.
XX
I love reading your posts! I feel like everytime I pick up a mini-novel, because you're writing style is such. :)
This one should definitely open up people's eyes and raise awareness of this horrible form of "begging". It's so hard to differentiate the truly poor from the scammers sometimes. And the extent to which they go to beg in the hopes of receiving money is appalling. I've never heard of this hospital book & child scenario. That's horrible. :/
It's funny, you've lived in India for so much longer than I ever have, and me being Indian, learn about facets of India that sometimes never occur to me. Like you, I agree that all big cities have their fair share of problems & hassles, and that it's up to us to be street smart. The crazy part is, the level of street smartness you need to survive in India is double what I would think you need even in a big city like New York.
Thanks for this post! I was always aware of begging scams, but now I am more so than ever.
I decided a few years back that I could not help everyone so at the beginning of the year I decide which Charity to support and make a donation to cover my giving for the full year. The Hospice movement is close to my heart and we have one that caters especially for the needs of terminally ill children. Having volunteered there from the early fundraising stage, right through to it being fully operational, I am aware of the costs involved and the benefits the families receive.
I understand about the begging. I have a neighbor that won't speak to me because I won't give him money. I did at first, until he was borrowing several times a week. Promising to pay me back. It got to be a tidy little sum. I found out that his teenage children that were working, weren't contributing, and his 25 year old son didn't help. I finally had to say enough, no more. But I always feel a little guilty when I see him, even though I know I couldn't afford to keep on giving. Good post!
Gaelikaa,I prefer to give food than money,as there are people here who've turned it into a business.I had quite a time with the poor on Diwali.
I really get annoyed when people use their children to get money out of you
You have written on such a difficult subject, and with thought-provoking care. This is such a difficult complex situation to encounter everyday in India. I was born in Bombay (when it was still Bombay) and left when I was 15, and incidents that occurred on the streets are still very deeply ingrained.
Yet so much that I miss, not having been back in far too long than I care to think about... so it is wonderful to read slices of Lucknow life through your eyes..
People make quite a good living out of begging in some places, I was very disillusioned when I discovered that! Now I'm cynical about money period lol.
People ask for money every time you turn around - donations, begging, selling this and that etc.. For the most part I would just give what I can spare. I find it easier. I figure they must have their reasons to ask.
It is interesting to read your views about incidents, that I take for granted and not spare any time thinking about. In fact this post is fascinating for a street smart male Indian and shows how someone like you will view it. Do please keep posting such insights.
I love reading your posts. There does indeed seem to be a fine line between some beggars and fraud. If only we knew the difference.
That man with the child might one day find himself in real need & who would believe him?
It is not uncommon to find people begging in Britain today.
If I give anything, it is usually through a well recognised agency.
Nuts in May
This was a very interesting post, a view into begging in India. It's different to Ireland, as you know, though I think things have changed since you lived here. The new thing here is a plastic bag is pushed through your letterbox looking for donations of clothes for "third world charities" but in fact it's a company making huge profits from selling those clothes!
That very direct begging is difficult- you don't want to be hard-hearted, but you have to be realistic and protect yourself too. As you say, it's the thin line between begging and fraud that poses the problem.
gaelikaa, I loved this post; what a fascinating read.
When I was in Canada recently, a young lad in a crowded subway station asked for help; he needed money to get home. Everyone looked away and I gave him money. He thanked me and left.
I was told by a woman with a small boy that I shouldn't have, he would probably buy drugs or drink with it.
In the UK, I've been asked for money many, many times and I say no or shake my head 9 times out of the 10; as you say, a lot of people are fraudsters. As a mum with a young lad and having lived in University Halls for many, many years combined with the work I did, I like to think I'm fairly well qualified to make a judgement.
I tried to explain to the woman in Canada that I made a decision based on a bit of experience, what I saw and my gut instinct; I said I'd like to think someone would help my boy get home some day, if he needed it.
I totally agree with your points and I also believe that there are times that you have to go with your gut and help others without putting yourself in danger or leaving yourself short. Like you, I'd prefer that to be people I know or through a charity although very occasionally, it's nice to just go with what your heart tells you.
Thank you for sharing this story. You really got me thinking about this. xx
Such a fascinating post. I've been taken in before, and in a way it's a shame that we have to 'wise up' and not be so trusting of people, but it's something we do have to do.
Like Mwa, I was taken in by someone here and this is not a poor place.
Hey Gaelikaa,
How can I forget your blogs? The present is for your blogs too :), both of them. Take it! I've updated my post.
You write so beautifully on a difficult and emotive subject. I choose my donations with care as you can not possibly give to everyone in need.
Sounds like you have to have your wits about you!
I think it's despicable that they use children in their scams, knowing people will usually give where a child is involved. :(
I believe that giving makes the world go round. But it's very sad that people go to such extremes - and use children this way.
Thank you for stopping by my blog today. enJOY your weekend!!
Oh my, just followed your comment to your blog and I am truly fascinated by your leap from Ireland to India.
I just visited California and there are many more homeless people there, probably because the weather is so moderate. Occasionally I will give a few dollars to a homeless person, usually I donate to charities. I have to admit though, on this trip, I gave money to a man covered in Halloween tarantulas begging for money to feed his spiders. I couldn't help but reward his creativity.
I have visited very poor countries and though it breaks my heart, I don't give money directly to beggars.
As you mentioned Gael, we have our fair share of beggars here too. We also have the hospital book beggars, who use either children or an elderly or infirm relative pushed around in a wheelchair. I've seen many types of beggar scams, particularly in the tourist areas..aimed of course at the "rich" foreigners!
That was a fascinating and honest post. For me it was timely too - we live in a remote part of Wales and I very surprised to open the door to a young Eastern European man holding up a notice asking for money. I said no and closed the door, but I still felt bad about it. The only thing is that he must have had a car to get to us... and our cars are both falling to bits!
That Ruby Tuesday picture over at my place was Meath Street. I love driving down there each morning on the way to work.
This is such a fascinating post! Gaelikaa, your words paint such a strong picture that I feel I am getting to know India quite well! I lived in Nigeria in 1977-1978 and there were beggars everywhere. If my memory serves me well, there was a Yoruba custom that the first son was a business man, the second was a priest and the third was a beggar. And so every third child was maimed or crippled at birth. It was horrific.
As the Bible teaches, the poor are always with us...it's a sad statement, but true. I worry for the children, and there are many hungry children in our own country, never mind the undeveloped ones (where I feel sure some are better off than ours, those that have been left alone!) I hate to call the homeless here "beggers" because it can happen to anyone at any time it seems...especially now. Like any other thing that goes on in our lives, a rotten apple will spoil a barrel! Great post, thanks for the (always) fascinating peek into your life.
Sandi
Wise advice my dear friend.. i always get suckered.. i work in the inner city and I am going to take your advice.. hugs and love my dear friend
I so love reading your blog! It's so interesting to read of a different culture. Where I live now, we don't often see beggars but where I've lived before, there were lots. There's nothing wrong with ignoring unsolicited requests. If we were to respond to them all we wouldn't have any money for ourselves!
It's difficult to find that line between cynicism and being charitable. There are so many overlapping gray areas. Very interesting post. :)
How very confusing. It's hard to know what to do in these situations - and I'm sure you have to get tough when you live amongst it all the time. Very interesting post, my friend. x
Thanks for such an insight into your life, i do find i hard to just walk on by but i suppose you have too if your surounded by fraudsters on a daily basis. I try to buy a hot drink and a sandwich for a street begger if i can but you can't help everyone- it's impossible and so dishartening to realise that half the time they are just trying it on.
They are most definitely everywhere. I tend to be soft-hearted and my family has to reel me and keep me from giving everything away, then I'm hurt to find out that person had more than I do!
That was quite an interesting story. I could just imagine that beggar lying on the couch and inspecting the garments. Your MIL's respect for this woman offered me a great insight into Indian culture. I learned a lot. Thanks.
I love the comments you have received on this. I think you do have to be cautious, you can'r give to everyone. Once a man told me he was starving and wanted money, so I went into a nearby sandwich and bought him a ham sandwich. On giving it to him he announced that he was vegetarian and only wanted money, so he can't have been that hungry. Turned out he wanted the money for drugs, but at the time I'd fallen for it.
My husband is not allowed to carry money because he will give it all away. It just galls me no end to see healthy well dressed people asking for a handout. I get approached a lot. I guess I look approachable but I rarely give money. Seen too many 'hungry' people refuse food offered instead of money. Unfortunately, you just can't trust strangers to tell you the truth. the last time I was approached a guy asked for a small amount to get his bus fare. When I called him on being a scammer, he got very upset, said he wasn't a beggar, had a job and a pay check coming, just didn't have enough for bus fare to get home. I gave him less than a dollar I think and he did get on the bus but who knows.
Thanks for visiting my blog the other day.
Yes, we were swamped with beggars in India.
Here's a different story:
We didn't have beggars in the U.S.-at least not in our town. But during the Depression in the late 1930s a thin man came to my husband's door when he was a child. This man had on a suit & tie but he was hungry & asked for food. My husband's mother turned him away. Tom still feels bad about this 68 years later.
Don't mind them!
I wasn't thinking when I said we were swamped by beggars in India (in Mar/Apr) Saw just a very few.
We were deluged by sellers. They were persistent & what they were selling was so cheap & inviting.
You wrote such a good entry on begging. I may have to consider writing one too about Honduran begging culture. I have been asked to buy washing machines, shoes, clothes, food, and even refinance a house for someone I met once at a conference. Lots of tears, etc. On the other hand, I have given food to people who eat it so rapidly I have no doubt they were in desperate need.
what a fascinating story. The line between begging and fraud... It must be pretty competitive out there.
What a great posting.
I was in India in November/December 2008.
You have encapsulated so beautifully life in India and I look forward to returning and reading more of your reflections of this amazing country.
This was fascinating. Thank you for visiting my blog, so that now I can visit yours!
interesting and reminds me of my time living in trinidad. we lived about a half mile down a dead end road. our neighborhood was upper middle class and we often had beggars wander in to go from house to house. there were occasionally ones who would ask if there was some work they could do for us in exchange for a bit of food or pay. those i was inclined to find something for. my favorite fraud case though was the woman who came to my door bearing a doctor's certificate that she was unable to work. unable to work but perfectly capable of walking up and down the road at a decent clip in the noonday tropic sun. hhmm.....
Okay, I'm hooked. What wonderful writing. Yes, I've had to resiste beggars, too, here in the U. S. Normally it is a scheme whereby they feign car trouble and "need" money to fix a tire, etc. Also, I drive right by those standing on the streets with signs asking for money for food. I am not hardhearted, but they are ridiculous! C
A fascinating post. I haven't been to India yet (it's on my list) but friends who've been have mentioned the amount of begging - it's very interesting to hear what it's like day-to-day when you live there.
I live in rural England and we very, very seldom see anyone begging near here, but when I lived in Oxford, I came to know exactly which beggars begged regularly on which corner - and which ones went home to a nice house!!
it is hard sometimes to make a distinction between someone who is really in need and someone who just begs as an easy way to get by.
I agree with you. Being a woman in a city you need to take precautions. As far as begging/fraud. You're correct. there is a fine line and when I lived in NY often it was crossed into fraud.
Good to read....
I just love you background, and I love hearing about daily life in a place I have never been. Thank you for bringing India (and yourself) to my little corner of the world.
What a really interesting post Gaelikaa!
Begging is a worldwide phenomenon of course and it is safe to assume that there are beggars in every country and every society. It is always a dilemma when someones asks you for a donation and it is hard to figure out if the person is in genuine need or merely using a scam to extract money from you.
In Dublin at the moment there are mainly two types of beggars on our city streets. Firstly there are the drug addicts and wino's and then there are the Roma gypsies. So what to do? If you donate to an addict or an alcoholic are they going to spend the money on their next fix or on a bottle of cheap wine? The Roma beggars are almost exclusively young girls and they nearly always have a baby in their arms and they wave a paper cup at you and ask for money for food. I do feel a lot of sympathy for them, because they are marginalized not only in Ireland but throughout Europe. Ironically Gaelikaa they are said to have come from India to Europe over one thousand years ago. They have not changed their culture much in that time, they marry only within their own community (very very young) and they wear very distinctive clothes. The chances of them getting a "normal" job would be slim to nil. I have through circumstance got to know some of them very well and have learned a lot about them.
But back to the question of begging. Generally I don't give money to the gypsies, but if they are selling the "Big Issue" magazine I will buy it or else give them a donation for making an effort. Sometimes I see a very old Roma lady who has a "pitch" outside Eason's also selling the Big Issue and I buy some food for her, I think of how lucky we are that our Mothers or Grandmothers didn't have to do this. She is always very grateful and thanks me in her Roma language.
And the addicts? Well I never give to them. We have a welfare state and sometimes when I go to the GPO to pay my electricity or gas bill they nearly knock me down to get to the counter to claim their welfare handout. There IS help available to them if they want to kick their habit and I feel I would only be helping their addiction if I gave them money.
But I still feel bad every time I walk past them on the street.
There are of course the fraudsters as well, and I admit that I was taken in more than once...
It's true, the Indians are often surprised and caught unawares, whereas the foreigners are always aware of every scam possible :) And your point about walking on, not stopping, is a good one: we have had to adopt a shell that protects us from the incessant energy-suck that exists in the air here, no?
How perfectly said Gaelikaa! Your understanding is right.
Whenever, I have such a problem of deciding between whether the person is underprivileged or is trying to get free money, I simply offer services rather than money. For example, if a poor person in need asks me for money to eat something. I simply give her/him a treat, and give food, not money.
Goat in Attitude
It's my first visit to your blog having seen your comments on Ayak's. You write very well about a fascinating place.
A good friend of mine married a boy from Luknow when we lived in Delhi. :)
I know how you mean about having to walk past and not see. It's horrible when you take the time to think about it but in reality it's a coping mechanism. I can't think what would have happened if i gave to every beggar who came up to me. Or listened and became wrapped up in all their stories.
This is my first visit and your blog looks to be addictive. How strange about the temple Brahmins, that's something I'd never heard of before.
Where I was living in China people were even afraid to hire nannies, as they might sell the babies to begging rings - although how much of this was urban myth is hard to tell. Nevertheless, it was a real concern for people who needed childcare for babies too young for nursery.
Your posts about life in India never fail to inform and enlighten! I'd think going around with a child and a hospital book would take a lot of effort. Probably more than having an actual j-o-b, but there are apparently many in your part of the world who think themselves very "clever" for making money this way. Isn't human nature fascinating?
Oh, you lead such a fascinating life! I'm afraid I'm going to have to follow you...hope you won't mind ;-) I've left a comment on your other blog as well...cheers!! Janine XO
So interesting. It is so good for all of us to know how life is so vastly different in other places sometimes. I would have a really hard time in that kind of environment. I believe in being kind and caring to all, but once someone shows me they have no interest in the same values, I just "write them off" so-to-speak. Your horror stories were tragic in every case. Seems mostly based on selfishness.
Thanks for stopping by my blog! I'm glad you did; this was a great read!
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